I am a pussy?
So I am archiving old home movies to dvd tonight, and I'm watching myself as a vibrant 18yr old and wondering what the fuck happened to me? The girl on camera was beautiful, but not only that so confident and brave about showing her real side and embracing what life had to offer at that moment. I think at this point if you have really changed since then like i have you have to stop and wonder....when did i become such a pussy? Okay so I am almost 30. So fucking what? Well for some stupid reason it really bothers me. I don't want to get older. I want to be that same girl who was dared to flash so and so and did it, just because. And that's not my only example. My job, I would love to move on a get my degree, but I'm scared because i worry about making the wrong choice. So what if I do? Why aren't I going back to school? Why do I stay with a Job that I hate, and not do something that I think I may like. God forbid if anyone should hear that i failed? When you are young like that and pull that shit people excuse the behaviour cause you are young. So if I did it now, no one would excuse it. If I did half of the things i wanted to just because i felt like that (at my age) I would seem like a really immature, insecure adult. Who the f**k changed the rules on me? There are so many parts of me that so wish they could be free without being judged but that's not the case. So for now I guess i will continue to go with the flow and forever not do the things i really want to do for fear that the general public will judge what i do and dissapove....for now I will be that pussy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- Rachel Schultz
- I started taking pictures of my kids when I started scrapbooking. I really wanted my pages and pictures to look like the sample ones in the scrapbooking magazines. It took a lot of hard work, researching, learning and a few hundred roles of film but I got the results that I wanted. Portraiture quickly became a passionate hobby. Finally, in February 2007 I opened Madchen Studios. The studio has become the perfect outlet to feed my obbesion with perfect photographs.
4 comments:
I guess we're both feeling like pussies these days. However, I have enough perspective (most of the time) to realize that we are neither of us members of a weaker feline order. We are just intelligent and talented women who care very much for the people around us and, as such, work very hard not to disappoint others rather than working hard to fulfill ourselves.
the rae i know could never fail, you could possible do a bit less than YOU hoped but you'd never fail at anything you really believed in. So far you have done all you said you would do since we left school, so pick yourself up wipe the dust off, have a stiff drink, and decide what you really want and you shall do it.... eventually being the key word. ha ha
Thanks for the support guys. Love you and miss you
Rae,
Always do what is in your heart. Who cares what everyone else thinks or says . If it make you happy then you are doing the right thing. AND don't forget that stiff drink. It always makes me feel better.
Post a Comment